January 01, 2012; Something tells me that this is going to be the best year of my life so far! I am starting it off in a relationship with Jacquie, one that has been rough in the past, but seems to have a good future. In 4 days I will be on my way to Panama to relax my mind before the next school semester starts back up. 


It has been just over a year since I have been back from Afghanistan with injuries sustained after a suicide attack on my base. I am still healing from things that I saw and did while over there.  I don't think this process will be one that will be short in time, but I am strong and will do it in time! A lot of people look at the things I do and how I act and see absolutely nothing wrong with me; but very few people see how I act at home, once the days are done... the nightmares, the paranoia, the hell that is my life.  The strong people are not the ones who walk around in the world allowing the outside to see the inner hell that one lives with. The strong are the people who make everyone think that everything is okay, and only allow a select few people to see the inner workings of your mind. I like to think that I am the strong one. No one knows me like a few people do. My actions, life, and humor suggests nothing is wrong with me... and that's the way I want it to be.  I am a man, I don't complain - I have issues, and I deal with them like a man should. This is the reason I force myself to do activities that I once use to love, but now have no interest in doing. It's not that I still love doing some things, it's that I know my lack of interest is a inner issue that in time will be worked out. I will continue to live life as others know me in order to keep up appearances. 

Last year I was able to do 112 skydives for a grand total of 217. I put a few thousand miles on my Harley, and I started a non-profit organization called PTSD Survivors of America. In 2012 I plan to start training for my event "Pedal for PTSD".  This event will not only help bring awareness to Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder, but I feel it will be soothing to my healing process as I will be able to get out, enjoy the open road with no worries but my own survival. I am hoping for a 4.0 GPA in spring and summer classes, and if I accomplish this I will have 60 credits, and a background that will help put me at almost any university of my choosing. 


Staying positive is key for me.  I need to keep up the appearances of being normal... as they say in the military, "fake it 'till you make it", that is after all my goal.  One day I will be normal again. I won't have these inner demons inside me that tear away at my soul. I feel 2012 is a great year. Only time will tell. 


Panama, t-minus 4 days.